


New Years with Illumi Zoldyck

by peanut_gallery_ghostwriter



Series: Murderers' Tomfoolery [1]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: AU canonverse in which Hisoka and Illumi live together, Anal Sex, Established Relationship, Fluff, Headcanon, Hisoka has a vanilla kink headcanon, I added a smut chapter you're welcome, Implied/Referenced Dubious Consent, M/M, Murder Husbands, New Years, Pre-Canon, Precluding Hunter Exam, Rubber and Gum, Short & Sweet, Soft murder husbands, Spanking, Vanilla Kink, headcanon in which Hisoka and Illumi have always and will always be together, hisoillu, smut smut smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:35:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22052623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peanut_gallery_ghostwriter/pseuds/peanut_gallery_ghostwriter
Summary: Hisoka wants to watch the ball drop.
Relationships: Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck
Series: Murderers' Tomfoolery [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1611277
Comments: 17
Kudos: 479
Collections: Estande





	1. Chapter 1

The tiniest drop of blood remains on his earlobe, but other than that Illumi may as well have been returning from a long shift at the office: his black slacks have retained their crisp lines that were so lovingly ironed into them eight days ago, his shirt has been kept tucked and buttoned modestly up to his neck, and his hair is tied back in a practical bun. The only sign of wear is in his face, where inconspicuous dark circles have formed under his already shadowy eyes.

He silently opens the door to his shared apartment, steps inside with soft feet, and nudges the door shut behind himself. It closes with a soft click. That’s the most noise he’s made in eight days.

He pulls the elastic band out of his hair, rolls his head forward, and lets his dark curtain of hair draw over his face. He could stand right there and fall asleep, but if he were caught he’d definitely get harassed, so Illumi wills himself to his room. He zombie-walks through the apartment, peeling off pieces of clothing one by one and dropping them onto the floor while meandering down the hallway with heavy steps. At last, Illumi steps out of his crisp, ironed slacks and briefs just as he descends upon his pillow-covered mattress. He curls into a fetal position, pulls a thin blanket over his bare ass, and he’s asleep in _one… two… three…_ _four_ seconds. 

“Ah! You’re home,” Illumi turns his head away from the voice and buries his face under a stack of pillows just as Hisoka hops onto the bed. “It's so good to see you,” Hisoka peels a pillow back from Illumi’s face and smiles cheekily down through the gap where his lover scowls.

Illumi doesn’t open his eyes. “Let me sleep.”

“Oh, but you haven’t even brushed your teeth yet.”

“Mm.”

“How many days has it been? Eight?” Hisoka pushes Illumi's hair away from his face. 

“Mm.”

"Don’t you want to enjoy the festivities with me? I've been looking forward to it all week." Fireworks are conveniently visible from their apartment. "Oh, what’s this?” Hisoka licks his thumb and smears the tiniest drop of blood from Illumi’s ear. “You’re getting sloppy, Illu.”

“ _Hisoka_.”

“ _What?_ ” Hisoka grins. “How about a shower? We could shower _together_." 

Illumi grimaces, eyes still closed, and smishes his face underneath another billowy pillow. He doesn’t even have the energy to hope Hisoka will leave him alone, he just teeters on the edge of either crashing right the fuck now or smacking Hisoka in the face and then crashing right the fuck afterwards. He’s breathing evenly, as if he’s already fallen asleep.

Hisoka replaces the pillow he stole, and rolls off the bed, careful not to disturb the fortress surrounding Illumi’s head. Illumi is barely cognitive enough to appreciate this. When Hisoka returns, he stands at the foot of the bed for a moment. Illumi reflexively tucks his feet higher to avoid what he anticipates will be an attempt to drag him from his cozy hole, but instead he feels a familiar whoosh of air above him, and then a heavy blanket smothers him in darkness.

“I'm still going to make you come when that ball drops.”

“Mm.” And Illumi falls asleep in _one…_ _two… two and a half_ seconds.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hisoka misses the ball drop.

It’s 11:42 pm, and loitering by the biggest window in his very own apartment on New Years Eve, is Hisoka. He hums to himself, observing the celebrations from afar. Hour Square is a couple blocks from the apartment, and even though they are 100 floors above ground and behind double paned windows, he can still watch and listen to the festivities down below.

Illumi’s phone, hidden in a pocket of his briefcase, has been buzzing every ten minutes and it’s taken some willpower not to turn it on silent. Must be the Zoldyck family group chat. Hisoka wonders if Illumi remembered to let his mother know he made it home safe--not that he’s ever forgotten--but Illumi was particularly exhausted this evening.

_God._ What a boring train of thought. Hisoka rolls his eyes. He’s been trying to distract himself from the culmination of a weeks worth of pent up sexual frustration. Hisoka groans. He _could_ just go in there now, but then the timing would be off. He taps his fingers against the empty glass he holds in his hand, and checks the digital clock projected above the dropping silver ball. What chaos. How exciting. But also, how boring. He feels needy. Illumi was supposed to be back two days ago, and they were supposed to go out tonight and wreak havoc; Hisoka even made reservations at Illumi’s favorite restaurant which sits at the very top of the tallest tower in town. 

Jobs _domesticize_. _That's_ why Hisoka doesn't have one. 

It’s 11:43 pm. Hisoka stalks over to the kitchen, takes his third shot of gin, and taps his pretty nails against the countertop. He’s thinking about Illumi’s baby face and his sleepy, abysmal eyes; and then he’s thinking about the way Illumi’s brow knits and his feet wriggle around whenever he wakes up to Hisoka sucking him off. 

Hisoka takes his fourth shot of gin. He's avoided touching himself to make it that much sweeter when he finally accompanies his murder boyfriend in his fluffy pillow fort.

It’s 11:44 pm, and he’s so fucking done waiting. The lights are off when Hisoka enters Illumi’s room. Sleeping beauty himself is still swallowed by a massive pile of pillows and weighted blanket and is no where to be seen. 

Hisoka cards a hand through his hair as he checks the clock on the wall, and then he grins.

He strips and crawls into the fortress, and searches among the fluff for Illumi’s legs, but finds his head first.

“Ah!” he says softly, as if surprised. “Hello." Hisoka plants a kiss on Illumi’s cheek. Sleeping beauty raises a lazy hand to swat Hisoka’s face away, and Hisoka dodges, smiling. “I love it when you play hard-to-get.” 

Illumi grunts and shoves his face into a new, unexplored pillow cavity. When Hisoka finds Illumi’s legs, he gently pushes Illumi’s knees apart and crawls between them. Illumi is more flexible than one may think, and his hips are supple enough to open so far that Illumi's knees can relax against the mattress--he does this now and wiggles his feet around once he's cozy. Up above Hisoka's head, muffled by pillows and blankets, Illumi sighs heavily. It’s so cute, Hisoka thinks, that Illumi ‘beast of darkness’ Zoldyck is actually a fucking pillow princess.

Hisoka presses his face into Illumi’s inner thigh, smiling. He kisses Illumi there, then he plants another kiss higher up. So vanilla. He could do this for hours but they’re on a time crunch tonight. Illumi smells heady like warm fabric and sweet, salty sweat. Hisoka’s eyes roll back, and he groans. His voice is deep and guttural. 

“Illu, I missed you so much.”

Hisoka squeezes the soft flesh under Illumi’s ass, and then, Hisoka bites. Hard.

Illumi wakes up earnestly.

“Oh--” Illumi’s eyes flutter open. He blinks with heavy eyelids. Before he can tell Hisoka to leave him alone again, Hisoka bites him on the other thigh and pulls him down so that his balls are just in front of Hisoka’s mouth and Illumi momentarily forgets why he wanted to tell him to go away. The tickle of Hisoka’s breath makes Illumi’s cock jump, and a shiver goes up his spine. His knees go weak. He suddenly feels like he’s dreaming again, and Illlumi spreads his legs wider.

Hisoka leans forward to drag his tongue across Illumi’s entrance. _God, Hisoka has been wanting to fuck him for days_. He can feel Illumi’s legs shudder in that special way that happens when Illumi can't help wiggling his feet around. It's endearing. Now Hisoka's thinking about the cute way Illumi clenches his toes when Hisoka tops him.

He teases Illumi’s hole with his tongue again, adding light pressure and intermittent soft kisses, but he never adds enough pressure to satisfy. Illumi struggles to get more. He pushes himself down into Hisoka’s face, but Hisoka retreats. So Illumi grabs a fistful of Hisoka’s hair and pulls, but Hisoka still resists, grinning stupidly.

“Use your words, darling.”

Illumi doesn't use his words.

So Hisoka spits on Illumi’s entrance and rubs his thumb over the nub in painfully gentle circles. He drags his wet tongue around the base of Illumi's cock and kisses softly. 

Illumi’s head rolls back. A needy sound escapes his lips. 

Hisoka grins. He spits on Illumi’s cock, and rubs his pouty, slightly-parted lips over its length. _Another_ needy sound comes from Illumi’s throat, and Illumi continues to wiggle around Hisoka’s face in desperation.

“What?” Hisoka chuckles, and then drags his tongue under the head of Illumi’s cock and pushes his thumb into Illumi’s tight hole.

"Is it this? Do you want this?"

Illumi silently gasps. _Yes._ But now Illumi also wants to wrap his hand around Hisoka's throat and choke him until he passes out or, better yet, dies.

Hisoka pulls his thumb out slowly only to shove it into Illumi’s ass again, hard. Illumi’s jaw goes slack and his brow knits together as he lets out a breathy moan. It would feel better with more lube. Fortunately Hisoka came prepared, but it’s on the ground somewhere. Hisoka slowly removes his thumb while mouthing Illumi’s balls and flicking them around with his tongue, and decides this is a good time to fetch it. The mattress rebounds when he gets off, and Illumi suddenly feels empty and cold. 

Illumi has half the mind to roll over and knock out again, but he’s too lethargic and now he's sort of horny, and-- _oh well_ \--his partner is must faster than him right now.

Hisoka jumps back onto the bed, casts the mountain of pillows and blankets to the floor, hooks his arms under Illumi’s legs, yanks Illumi into his lap, grasps Illumi’s cock with a lubed hand, and starts jerking Illumi off.

" _Oh_ \--" Illumi flushes and hums just from pleasure of being manhandled while Hisoka starts pumping his own cock with his own other hand. Gently, Hisoka presses the heads of their cocks together. The back of Illumi's head is very sensitive, and Hisoka knows this. It's overstimulating but not in a terribly uncomfortable way: Illumi feels his abdomen convulse, and his thighs shake. Hisoka presses harder because he's a fucking sadist, and starts stroking over the tips of their cocks together. 

It reduces Illumi to a sloppy mess of shuddering, quick moans immediately. His toes clench and unclench repeatedly as his slick, pink cock is mercilessly stroked against Hisoka’s almost to a sudden, jerky climax.

He doesn't feel sleepy any more.

“ _His--ah,_ ” Illumi tries to prop himself up on his elbows, but Hisoka yanks him higher up into his lap, pumping Illumi’s cock in a tighter fist. “ _Nngh_ , Hisoka--” He moans again. Hisoka releases some of his grip around Illumi's, and then he relocates the tip of his own cock _just_ next to Illumi’s asshole.

Hisoka grins.

He smacks his free hand against Illumi’s ass and grabs at the flesh there, squeezing. His singular goal right now is to make Illumi come, but _only_ when he decides it's the right time. Right now is not it. Right _now_ , Hisoka wants to take Illumi so close to the edge of pleasure that it hurts, so Hisoka starts tugging Illumi’s cock slower. _Slower._ And then he releases his grip until he’s barely touching his partner's dick anymore, still squeezing the firm flesh of Illumi’s ass with his other hand--his hold on Illumi's ass is firm enough to bruise. He stares at Illumi’s pinched expression and feels giddy. Hisoka suppresses a giggle, and Illumi immediately snaps out of his submissive haze. 

"Stop playing."

“Oh _,_ don't be like that," Hisoka purrs. "You love it."

"I do not."

The orgasm Illumi was almost about to have has completely soured, and a frustration starts to flower in his tummy. His cock aches in Hisoka’s loose grip, his head feels heavy, and his brow knits. Now, he’s seething. He reaches around to grab Hisoka’s cock, but Hisoka pins his wrist to his side before he can do so.

“Come on. You’re barely putting up a fight.” Hisoka altogether removes his hand from Illumi’s cock, and he grabs the bottle of lube beside them. 

“I am not trying to fight you right now.”

“No?” Hisoka squeezes the bottle a foot above Illumi's body and lets it drip slowly, hitting him squarely on his sensitive asshole. Illumi winces and writhes in Hisoka's lap some more to make it clear he's frustrated, but it's not altogether an awful sensation. “Well. That's alright. We still have time. The ball hasn’t dropped yet.”

Illumi shoots his other hand out to quickly grab Hisoka’s cock before Hisoka can stop him. He angles it against his entrace and uses it to rub out the lube that was so _lovingly_ dribbled all over him. He stares up at Hisoka with an unreadable, blank look, and Hisoka smiles cheekily down at him. Then, Illumi says:

“I want you to fuck me, Hisoka.”

And it makes Hisoka lose his shit. 

“If you tease me again, I am going to kill you.” 

" _That's so hot_ ," Hisoka moans. Forgetting himself, and forgetting his otherwise _flawless_ plan, he slathers his own cock in lube, drips a generous amount of spit onto Illumi’s entrance again for good measure, gets on his knees, hoists Illumi’s waist up with one arm, and nudges the head of his cock into Illumi’s tight asshole. His partner gasps and bucks at the suddenness.

" _Nngh_ , His--" Illumi moans softly and his eyes squeeze shut. "Ahh--" 

Hisoka grabs Illumi’s cock again as he slowly thrusts into him. When his hips collide with Illumi's ass, they both let out a synchronized sigh.

“You turn me on so much," Hisoka pants.

"You annoy me."

" _Ah,_ do you still want to kill me?"

"Always."

" _Good_. I love you too."

Illumi blushes and closes his eyes, and Hisoka chuckles. Hisoka draws himself out and stabilizes the arm he's using to lift up Illumi's hips, then he pushes in again, dick and ass squelching from lube and friction. Once he's sure Illumi is ready and it feels slick through and through, Hisoka starts to fuck into Illumi gently and tug at his cock.

"Harder," Illumi holds his breath while grabbing at the hand supporting his hips, and Hisoka obeys: he fucks into Illumi harder, but not faster.

Illumi starts feeling lightheaded and an unbelievable amount of pressure is already building in his abdomen. He lets out an airy moan and shuts his eyes tight. Hisoka angles Illumi’s hips up slightly and starts to rub the head of his cock against Illumi’s prostate with practiced strokes. It makes Illumi's legs quiver, and his toes clench.

"I _love_ that," Hisoka groans. Now he just wants to kiss Illumi all over, but he'd have to interrupt their rythm to do so, and Illumi wouldn't appreciate that at all. 

Hisoka grabs the bottle of lube and squirts it over his cock as it thrusts into and out of his parter again and again and soon enough Illumi' s hole is as slick as a dripping pussy. Hisoka picks up the pace comfortably and starts pounding into Illumi in shorter, quicker thrusts. He resumes stroking Illumi again, watching intently.

Illumi’s legs quiver as he starts whiting out--a telltale sign. Hisoka knows it well, and he quickly removes his hand from Illumi's cock to instead spank his inner thigh with immense force. Illumi flushes pink at the contact zone.

_Smack_.

Illumi whimpers, " _Harder_." Hisoka obeys, and hits him wickedly hard across the same tender spot on his inner thigh another couple of times.

_Smack_. 

_Smack._

And Illumi lets out a moan so soft and so sweet that Hisoka immediately has to stop what he's doing because he's suddenly gasping and panting and on the edge of climax. His eyes are blown wide, and his hands shake. He pulls out of Illumi and holds the base of his cock still as he breathes deeply and his cock twitches. He smacks the same spot on Illumi's thigh even _harder_ and watches Illumi's thigh spasm and legs shudder from the stinging pain. Illumi writhes and continues moaning softly. Hisoka gulps, and then decides he's going to rail on the spot relentlessly, until Illumi is screaming because how often does he getto see Illumi vulnerable like this? Well, frequently. But it's among the hottest things in the whole world. So it's still special. He strikes him five more times before Illumi yelps so loudly Hisoka's ears ring.

And then Hisoka starts fingering Illumi's dripping asshole.

At this point, something exciting happens. Illumi fucking cries. Tears. Literally, Illumi shuts his eyes and two big tears cascade down the sides of his face. Hisoka forgets to breathe as he watches, and he lets go of his cock entirely to prevent himself from climaxing right then and right there. _This_ is what happens when Illumi whites out: Illumi's pain tolerance disappears and he becomes a sensitive mess, and then in turn _Hisoka_ becomes a sensitive mess. Hisoka groans and tries to calm down but his cock is pulsing. It's so distracting. He absentmindedly stops pumping his middle and ring fingers into his boyfriend.

"Why are you stopping?"

Hisoka looks down at Illumi and bites his lip, poorly suppressing a whine. Illumi looks like a god splayed out on those sheets; his hair is fanned around his head like a dark halo. Hisoka gulps.

" _Ah_ \--you almost made me come."

"Why does that mean you have to stop?"

Hisoka rolls his eyes. 

But now, he's calmed down. Hisoka shoves his cock deep into Illumi again and immediately finds Illumi's sweet spot because this is not going to last much longer and he needs to make Illumi come at fucking midnight when that fucking ball drops because that's what he said he'd do. He starts jerking Illumi off again, and watches intently for another submissive display like it's the only thing keeping him grounded on earth. The pressure in Hisoka’s cock is quickly reaching a limit again. If he keeps up this pace it'll all be over, but it's still a couple minutes before midnight. He centers himself, staves away coming immediately by grinding his head into Illumi without thrusting.

Illumi gasps and jerks, and his face flushes a soft pink. Hisoka watches Illumi with insatiable eyes while wishing he had a free hand so that he could wrap it around Illumi's neck. 

Illumi takes his cock from Hisoka, and starts pumping it faster and harder. His ass clenches around Hisoka’s twitching cock, and Illumi moans in desperation. His voice continues getting higher and louder; more desperate and raspy. It doesn't take a sex addict like Hisoka to know Illumi is about to come.

Hisoka starts thrusting again in quick, hard, deep strokes. Illumi gasps and cries again.

" _Do not stop--_ "

Hisoka grabs Illumi's hip with his free hand and fucks into him as hard as he fucking can. He watches Illumi start to shudder and cry out before his own orgasm catches up to him, and he too loses himself.

“ _Ah_ \--I’m gonna come--” Hisoka's brow knit and his eyes squeeze shut. 

Illumi is already gone. His legs spasm, his toes clench, and hot cum is ribboning from his cock just as Hisoka's own balls empty deep into his ass. Hisoka rides it out slowly, finding Illumi’s hand and squeezing tight.

They're gasping. Hisoka is sweating. Illumi is shaking. They don’t move, they just breathe. Illumi’s brain is totally fogged over, and Hisoka is in fucking la la land. There’s warm cum all over Illumi's chest that's quickly getting cold, but it doesn’t matter. Hisoka slowly extracts himself from his lover and collapses next to him. They lie, breathing heavily and grabbing for each other’s hands. Hisoka pushes stray hairs away from Illumi’s eyes, and plants a kiss on his cheek.

“Mm.” Illumi shoves Hisoka’s sticky hand away from his face. Hisoka checks the clock on Illumi's bedside table.

“Happy New Years, Illumi."

Illumi blinks hard. “Oh--Happy New Years, Hisoka.” 

It's not quite midnight, but Hisoka no longer cares.

**Author's Note:**

> I take hisoillo commissions! Find me on Tumblr (link in profile) and tell me about the shenanigans you'd like to read :)


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